i happened upon a still meadow where i saw the memory of our bodies loving under the soft white clouds in the bluest of blue skies,
i felt the breeze upon my shoulders and remembered the elegant gentleness of your touch,
i closed my eyes and felt the warmth of the sun on my eyelids and there you were fluttering kisses from your whiskered mouth onto my lips.
nature’s peace now surrounds, tranquil quelling carries crickets’ chirp, mate’s call echos within golden blades of corn,
mountain skylines paint far off vistas, golden hues dapple and dance through sunbeams from nether-star lands upon high to earthly places below,
i see all these things and these things evolve to where i find my truest self, longing for the possibility of you,
the you that will never be, the you i cannot allow myself to have, the you that i so desperately need and must deny, the you that i pray the gods of nature can comprehend the trueness of my love,
to know that you are at peace in spite of our distance, to tell you how i wish we had met so many decades ago,
to stop us from racing ruination’s of our lives until we met and could not join, the fragments of what could be if only that which proceeded had not been,
the terror of trauma splintering fragmented selves to turn against our souls, i want those souls to be one and it matters not to me the absurdity.
i only know of the serenity i feel when i remember you this way, this way that i never truly had,
this way that i never shall have, this way that i cherish only from my most private of dreams,
the you of my mind.
originally written september 2013